Oxymoron! Oh my.

Definition of OXYMORON

: a combination of contradictory or incongruous words (as cruel kindness); broadly : something (as a concept) that is made up of contradictory or incongruous elements 

 

 

 

I feel that my entire life could qualify as an oxymoron.  Perhaps I am just one of those people who is still trying to find themselves.  Hell, at 52 you would think that I would be pretty solid in knowing who I am and what I want out of life.  Well I am here to tell you that I haven't a clue.  Yes, I have many strong beliefs and convictions; however, I don't see life in black and white -- there is so much grey and other fanciful colors that I just can't settle for black AND white.  There is a part of me that wants to travel and galavant around the country with a Renaissance fair, going from city to city selling my handmade wares, AND HAVING NO ROUTINE.  There is a part of me that is a homebody and would love nothing better than to stay at home and knit and craft all day long and try new recipes, with taking breaks to read the classics.  There is a part of me that is a stalwart Christian woman who believes to her core that Jesus came and died for my sins and completely believes those words spoken in the Apostolic Creed. There is the part of me that feels that I am not a worthy enough woman to be the Christian woman I want to be because I am not meek and humble enough -- I'm too salty to be sweet!  There is a part of me that can't wait to have grandchildren to cuddle and coddle, but then again, I'm not crazy about the thought of being around children -- especially those children old enough to talk.  I feel I can speak my mind because I have life experience, knowledge and wisdom -- but then I think, what difference does it make because young people just think we are saying things to be hurtful.  I don't want to hurt anyone, but then I do feel I just want to shake them and say wake up, who do you think you are kidding!  Some days I feel old, but then in my heart I am young and know that there is still so much life ahead of me and so much yet that I want to accomplish......I just can't seem to quit twisting in the wind over all of the complexities and oxymorons that fill my life!